"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." - Alexander Graham Bell

Tonight was really hard, but before I go into that, I need to talk about what has happened over the last few months. So, last year I became best friends with this boy who will remain nameless. We did everything together: studied, watched the olympics, talked about the people we liked...talked about everything. After about 6 months of being best friends, we both kind of figured out that we liked each other. And, as the story would go, we began dating. I ended up going home for the summer, but we dated long distance. I visited him about 3 weeks before school started, and we spent a lot of time catching up. He mentioned things about our future together, so when he broke up with me a week later, it was kind of a surprise. Another surprise was finding out he had a girlfriend the next week when school began. Needless to say, things have been hard. I see him all the time, and I can hardly stand being in the same room with him. But, I think what hurts the most, is that he proposed to this other girl last week. I don't like him anymore, but it is hard, because she could be me. And, I don't know why it didn't work out. I am glad it didn't. But my dream in life is to find that person that I can spend forever with and become a mom...to do those things that I should do as a daughter of God for the rising generation. So, to see that slip through my fingers makes me feel like rain on a cloudy day. It makes me scared that I will never have that future that I most desire. I found comfort in the Alexander Graham Bell quote. When a door closes, another will open. And while the future is scary I realize that I need to look to that door in front of me, quit looking at the past, and step through that door.

I was reading a friend's blog today,and he had a list of goals that he wanted to accomplish this semester. One of them was o go to the temple twice a month. I mean we live in Utah....there are around 5 temples within an hour. That is incredible! It is sad that more of us don't take advantage of going to the temple when so many people in the world save money for their whole lifetime to go to the temple once. Anyways, I think that I would like to make that a goal too. Last year, I was really good at going to the temple. In fact, I was able to go once a week for all of winter and spring semesters. But, when I went home for the summer, that kind of fell apart. I got to the temple once...which is not horrible, cause the temple is kind of distant. But, I should be better. I really ought to get there at least twice a month. I just have the strongest testimony of the importance of the work that happens in the temple. Families are sealed to be together forever. And this is all possible because of the atonement. I know that when we go to the temple, we can feel the Lord's blessing in our lives, and we can become spiritually prepared to understand the mysteries of God. I love the temple.

He will never leave us comfortless...

I kind of don't want anyone to read this, but I expect that some of you will. I have been having a really hard time lately. I am currently a junior in chemical engineering at BYU, and it has been a hard couple of years. I have been busting my brain in academics since I can't remember, and that way of life has become a lifestyle. I always have something to study and something to work on. First it was the hours upon hours spent studying human development, and then it was the hour upon hours spent cramming math 113, math 302, and chemical processes into my brain. My curriculum requires that I spend nearly all of my time studying, and as a consequence I have spent nearly every Friday and Saturday night for the past year in either the Clyde Buiding or the Library. I never do social things.

So, when I was home, my mom and all of the other adults in my home ward told me that I needed to take it easier. So, we proceeded to plan out a schedule which would extend my schooling an extra year, and I would be forced to fill my credit hours with fun things. This was really hard for me exept for a couple of reasons. Number one, I have always been the one who gets the A and who doesn't slack. I never did in highschool, and people don't expect me to here. Number 2 I finally have friends at school and I am going to lose them. I have never been good at having friends outside of my classes.....I always just find people to be friendly with at school. And so, I finally have friends in my classes, but they are going to graduate, and I will be left behind. Anyways, it took a while for me to get used to the idea of taking an extra year. But, it will be good for me. I need to take time to be social, or the things that I want most will never happen.

Besides, all of my friends that I have at school right now have started dating people. Which is wonderful of course, but they have already left me behind....I thought that it wouldn't be for another year, when they graduate. But....they don't really have time for me anymore. And I am alone. It kind of way stinks.

I am at school. A spring term. And I decided to not take as many credit hours, so that I could have fun. I am in two classes that really matter, and one that doesn't. But, the work load isn't really that bad. And this weekend I found out what it is like to truly be alone at school. This weekend, I didn't have as much homework as I normally have. So, I spent my evenings at home alone---all of my roomates have boyfriends and are out nearly every night---and I watched movies by myself.

I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I have innumerable blessings and I have absolutely no reason to complain. But, sometimes I feel like I am totally and insurmaountably alone. Expecially when I can't even get ahold of my parents to talk. I have used my studies as a crutch and as a hangup for a long time. I don't like to deal with certain things, so I haven't. I have ignored a lot of things by becoming completely engrossed in my studies.

I really don't know what to do.....

But I do know, that we are never alone. We always have the Lord, and He will never leave us comfortless.