He will never leave us comfortless...

I kind of don't want anyone to read this, but I expect that some of you will. I have been having a really hard time lately. I am currently a junior in chemical engineering at BYU, and it has been a hard couple of years. I have been busting my brain in academics since I can't remember, and that way of life has become a lifestyle. I always have something to study and something to work on. First it was the hours upon hours spent studying human development, and then it was the hour upon hours spent cramming math 113, math 302, and chemical processes into my brain. My curriculum requires that I spend nearly all of my time studying, and as a consequence I have spent nearly every Friday and Saturday night for the past year in either the Clyde Buiding or the Library. I never do social things.

So, when I was home, my mom and all of the other adults in my home ward told me that I needed to take it easier. So, we proceeded to plan out a schedule which would extend my schooling an extra year, and I would be forced to fill my credit hours with fun things. This was really hard for me exept for a couple of reasons. Number one, I have always been the one who gets the A and who doesn't slack. I never did in highschool, and people don't expect me to here. Number 2 I finally have friends at school and I am going to lose them. I have never been good at having friends outside of my classes.....I always just find people to be friendly with at school. And so, I finally have friends in my classes, but they are going to graduate, and I will be left behind. Anyways, it took a while for me to get used to the idea of taking an extra year. But, it will be good for me. I need to take time to be social, or the things that I want most will never happen.

Besides, all of my friends that I have at school right now have started dating people. Which is wonderful of course, but they have already left me behind....I thought that it wouldn't be for another year, when they graduate. But....they don't really have time for me anymore. And I am alone. It kind of way stinks.

I am at school. A spring term. And I decided to not take as many credit hours, so that I could have fun. I am in two classes that really matter, and one that doesn't. But, the work load isn't really that bad. And this weekend I found out what it is like to truly be alone at school. This weekend, I didn't have as much homework as I normally have. So, I spent my evenings at home alone---all of my roomates have boyfriends and are out nearly every night---and I watched movies by myself.

I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I have innumerable blessings and I have absolutely no reason to complain. But, sometimes I feel like I am totally and insurmaountably alone. Expecially when I can't even get ahold of my parents to talk. I have used my studies as a crutch and as a hangup for a long time. I don't like to deal with certain things, so I haven't. I have ignored a lot of things by becoming completely engrossed in my studies.

I really don't know what to do.....

But I do know, that we are never alone. We always have the Lord, and He will never leave us comfortless.